Time
by Bobbie1
Summary: A glimpse inside Faith's journal as she chronicals the events that fateful day at Mercy. The journal format allows her to be brutally honest about what she saw, how it affected her, and how it might shape her future.
1. Default Chapter

**Title: Time**

**Category: Angst**

**Summary: Faith recounts through her journal the events that followed that fateful day at Mercy**

**Spoilers: I think the description on NBC's website covers it**

**  
A/N: I'm sure if I practiced for real, my malpractice insurance would have been yanked a long time ago. Although, if I were a doctor for real, I might have some clue what I'm talking about. Some of my fictitious descriptions might be better on an empty stomach.**

**May 8th**

I thought he was dead.......

God it took forever for the shooting to stop. The sounds of bullets flying, shattering glass and everything else in its path. I don't much. One minute I saw shadows through the blinds, the next I was diving for the floor where I lay listening to the sound of gunfire, each shot ricocheting in my head. . God it went on forever. When it finally stopped, I tried to move as fragments of glass cut into my hands. I looked to my left where just minutes ago had been a large glass window. Pretty much all of it was now on the floor. Then I glanced to my right. The first thing I saw made my heart pound...blood...God so much blood. I moved cautiously towards it. What I saw next stopped my heart cold...

Bosco...

Oh God, I thought he was dead...

**May 9th**

We waited forever at least it seemed like forever. So many bodies lined the halls that its amazing there was anyone left to treat the injured. As I sit here, I'm joined by Lieu and several other higher-ups. I don't recognize some of them and I don't really care. I do know that they aren't all from the 55. I can tell that by the pins on their shirts. What I also know for sure if that they want to know what happened but the only thing I remember is seeing Bosco's lifeless body in a pool of blood. I don't know how much longer I can sit here. If they don't give me some answers soon...I just don't know. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep. My body needs to rest but every time I close my eyes, the images haunt me.

Good news finally arrives although it does little to draw me from the stupor I'm in. Rose's injuries aren't life threatening. It will take some time but she should be okay. I'm sick to my stomach. I should be glad that she's going to be okay. Would I really trade her life for Bosco's right now? Instead I hate myself for feeling the way I do. I love Rose...I really do. She means everything to Bosco...he means everything to me.

**May 10th**

It's been two days and countless hours of surgeries. I've only seen him a few times and even then for only a few minutes. He's unconscious...his body resembles a mummy. There's so much bandaging that's it hard to tell what's Bosco. I can barely make out part of his face. It's hard to believe this is what he's become...that this is what's left of my partner. It doesn't seem real....like its just some bad dream. The Bosco I know was always so full of life. There was life in his voice...in his laugh, his anger. The pain in his eyes over losing Mikey and dealing with his ma. He was alive in his strength from the well-toned muscles in his shoulders, arms and chest. He could outrun me any day of the week and I knew it.

What's left is silence...an eerie silence that fills the room as I stand over his damaged body. I'd give anything to hear him say my name....to hear him talk about his latest conquest...anything. He could scream at the top of his lungs right now and I'd think it was the sweetest sound ever.

**May 12th**

I know what people must think. They think it isn't healthy but I don't know what else to do...who else to turn to. Bosco was always the one...he's the one person I could always talk to. Sure there were times when we yelled more than talked but I know that's cause he cared.

People say it isn't healthy...that I shouldn't keep everything all bottled up inside. They tell me I need to talk to someone about it. They don't understand that I have. I talk to Bosco. Of course whenever I mention his name, I get this look. I know what they're thinking. They're thinking that Bosco can't hear me...that talking to him isn't doing me any good. But they're wrong. I know he's unconscious. I mean I'm not stupid. But just 'cause he's unconscious doesn't mean he can't hear me. So maybe he's not able to talk to me...to ask me questions about how I feel about everything. That doesn't matter. Bosco and me...we didn't need words. I find comfort in talking to him; being in his hospital room with him. Isn't that what should matter?

**May 14th**

I come here everyday after shift...sometimes more than once a day. I've seen how people have pulled back from him. Even though he's not conscious of it, I think he knows just like he knows what I'm telling him. I hate the idea of him being alone. I've heard talk...when they don't know I'm there. I hear them...saying that he's in the vegetative state...that he'll never be the same...that he'll never amount to anything. Truth is I don't believe that. They just don't know him like I do. I have to believe that someday he'll open his eyes...he'll say my name...he'll talk to me...he'll walk across the room. Someday he'll be my partner again. I know any one of those would be a huge accomplishment on his part but I won't settle for one. What can I say? I want it all but mostly I just want my partner back

**May 15th**

As I sit in his room, I'm drawn to the peacefulness that surrounds him. It's been a week now and he's still unconscious. The longer he's unconscious the worse it is...at least that's what everyone thinks. I just think that he's tired. His body needs time to heal. If he were awake, he'd be dealing with everything and that would lead to stress. He doesn't need that so that's why he's unconscious. So he can get the rest he needs to heal.

I found out I was getting a promotion. My first thought was that I wanted to tell Bosco. Then I remembered....

Later that night, I stopped by the hospital. I can't explain it but I needed to know that Bosco would be okay with this. I'd never given it much thought...the two of us not being together. Sure there was the time Bosco was so gung-ho on joining ESU and the times we were fighting but somehow I never really saw us as not working together. I sure never imagined it'd be like this.

I got there to find him still unconscious. It always takes me awhile to figure out that he's not going to open his eyes as I begin talking to him. This is our conversations go...I'm the only one doing the talking. I remember what I said to him...I remember every single word.

"Hey Bos...guess what?" I said searching for that part of his hand that I can hold onto. "I'm getting a promotion. Who would have thought I'd be something other than Officer Yokas? But I am. Lieu called me into his office today. I'm going to be a detective."

"I wanted to call you...to tell you about the promotion. You know that whatever happens, you're always going to be my partner. I just need you to know that. No one would ever come close to what we had as partners. More than that even...I mean you're my best friend. You'll always be my best friend. You hear me?

"I guess things have changed though. Detective Yokas...sounds funny doesn't it? I know if you were awake right now, you'd be giving me a hard time. You know I never said it out loud before now. Detective Yokas. The trouble is, the more I say it, the more I don't like it. I mean you know Fred filed for divorce. Remember I told you about it the other day? He doesn't want to be married to me anymore. Maybe I should take my maiden name back. Then I'd be Detective Mitchell. I mean Fred despised me being a cop so why should I have his name associated with my promotion?"

I took some time to mull over what I'd just said. I wish people could understand what we have...the bond that exists between us.

"Thanks Bosco...even if you can't talk to me, I know you can hear me. No one can convince me otherwise. That's why I had to come here tonight...so I could talk to you about the promotion. Like I said earlier, I'll always consider you to be my partner. I should get going now. The promotion ceremony is early and I really should try to get some sleep."

**May 16th**

Detective Mitchell...I was promoted to detective today.

After the ceremony, there was talk about celebrating. I didn't feel like celebrating. It wouldn't be much of a celebration without Bosco anyway. I saw the expressions on the faces after I told them no. It's like his name is taboo. I got upset although I didn't let it show...I don't think I did. I don't know...maybe I did. Why don't people understand? Bosco's going to be okay. They act as if he's dead already.

They knew I wouldn't go to celebrate with them They knew it was about Bosco. I told them the short version of how had it not been for Bosco, I never would have graduated from the police academy so it was only right that I'd want to share my day with him. I suggested that maybe we could stop by to see him on the way to Haggerty's. The only one who did stop by was Lt. Swersky. We sat with Bosco for about a half hour. Sometimes we'd talk; other times we'd sit in silence. I like holding onto his hand. It's warm...his warm hand means he's still alive...that he's fighting to stay alive. At one point Lieu got to his feet, walked over to stand next to Bosco's bed. He didn't say much but then he didn't have to. With one hand resting on Bosco's shoulder, Lieu said all the needed to be said.

"We'll be here whenever you're ready to wake up. You just take all the time you need."

Lieu hugged me before telling me he'd see me tomorrow. He knew I wasn't going to leave Bosco. I was grateful for the time he spent with me and Bosco, sharing in our celebration.

So much of his body was covered in bandages; his head, left side of his face, much of his rib and stomach area as well as most of his left leg. He'd been through numerous surgeries since the shooting. There'd been brain surgery which led to the diagnosis that he wouldn't be able to walk or talk or care for him self. There'd been reconstructive surgery to his face. He'd also had surgery to repair a lung, part of his stomach and intestines as well as plates and screws in his left leg. All in all, Bosco was a mess. But the doctors are trying. They take the pieces that are left and keep trying to make them fit together. I know all the pieces aren't there anymore but somewhere in all the bandages is my best friend. I feel it in my heart. He's still with me.

It wasn't long after Lieu left that Bosco decided it was time...time to open his eyes. I was sitting beside him when it happened. I was sitting with him, talking about something or other when I noticed his eyes fluttering somewhat. At first I thought maybe it was just my imagination but I'd continued talking to him figuring it wouldn't hurt. When he did it several more times I knew he could hear me so I continued talking to him while squeezing his hand. Finally he followed my voice, opening his eyes. I was happier than I'd been in a long time. Tears streamed down my face as I looked into his eyes. Happy tears because he'd opened his yes. These were mixed with sad tears when I saw the pain. What followed didn't make Bosco happy. Not that he was able to voice his opinion but I knew from the look in his eyes.

Once word reached the nurses' station, all peacefulness in his room was gone. His eyes pleaded with me not to leave him which left me feeling guilty. I told him to let the doctors take a look at him. I promised him that I wouldn't leave him...that I'd be waiting outside in the hall.

I hated to leave him so soon after he'd struggled to open his eyes but I knew it was for the best. Several hours later I got to see him but only briefly. He'd been through a long list of tests...poked and prodded to an extreme. I knew he was exhausted. I stayed long enough to make him another promise...that I'd be back in the morning. More than anything I wanted him to know that I'd kept my word...that I hadn't left him...that I never would.

I stopped by Rose's room. I didn't care about visiting hours. This was Bosco and Rose deserved to know that her son was awake. I told her everything I knew, adding how exhausted he was after a barrage of tests. As much as she wanted to see him, she knew he needed his rest. I made one more promise...that I'd come by and get her in the morning so she could see her son. I hope she got some rest. Lord knows she deserved it.

I was on my way home when I called Lt Swersky. I'm sure had it been anything else, he wouldn't have been happy to be awoken at 3am. But, since I told him that Bosco had opened his eyes, I think he forgave me. I can't be sure but maybe he slept better after hearing the news.

**May 17th**

Rose and I got to ICU around 7am. Together we sat down with the doctors to discuss Bosco's current condition. We were five minutes into our discussion when Lieu showed up. He offered to wait 'til we were through but Rose wouldn't hear of it. Besides having Lieu there meant she had someone to hold both her hands and not just the one I was holding onto.

Some of our worst fears were confirmed. The tests confirmed that Bosco wouldn't be able to speak nor was he in control of his motor skills. But, they also showed that he had the capacity to relearn those skills. For the time being he was in a great deal of pain which was understandable for what he'd been through. Once doctors were able to alleviate some of that pain, Bosco would be faced with some cold hard facts. Some of which I'm sure he was already aware of. I had no doubts he'd been aware of his inability to move although some of that was attributed to bandages and tubes. However his inability to speak and the awareness of his facial injuries would be two major blows to his psychological state.

I tried to think positive and look at the bright side. That worked until I took Rose back to her room. I made it as far as my car in the parking lot before the tears broke loose. I sat there sobbing uncontrollably as the images of the past ten days tortured my already exhausted mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Time 2/?

Category: Angst

Summary: Faith chronicles in her journal the weeks that followed that fateful day at Mercy.

Spoilers: Nothing more than what's posted on Beyond that it's all made up.

A/N: Once again, my medical knowledge is limited by the internet and my imagination. Sometimes I may cross the line. Therefore, any mistakes are mine and mine alone.

**May 19th**

I don't know how many times I've fought with him. It seems Bosco and I don't need words to fight either. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he wants me to leave him alone. I can't do that. It goes beyond the fact that I made him a promise...the day he woke up...I promised him I'd be here for him. I know we've said a lot of stuff to each other the past year or so...a lot of it I wish I could take back but not my promise.

I told him that if he wants me to leave then he's going to have to make me. Actually I asked him very nicely if he'd like me to leave. His eyes told me yes. It was then that I told him two words – make me. It actually sounded like two kids arguing. Truth is I regretted the words as soon as I'd said them. It's just that he has this power over me. He can make me so mad sometimes that I want to slap him silly. But then I take one look into his eyes and I just want to hug him.

**May 20th**

I keep telling myself that this is normal for him...the 'I don't need anyone' attitude. Same stupid stubborn Boscorelli I've known for years. I've adopted his stance on the 'go away' issue. I'm not about to leave him just like he refused to leave me a year ago.

Ever since he learned the extent of his injuries he's been difficult. Having some of the bandages removed certainly didn't help. I knew he wanted to see for himself. I mean if it were me, I'd want to see too. On the other hand, I knew it wasn't a good idea. Had it been me lying in that bed, I knew Bosco would eventually abide by my wishes. So, I pulled a mirror from my purse allowing him to see the damage to his face for the first time. He took a quick look, startled for a moment, then turned away. I knew there was more to his reasoning for turning away...beyond the avoiding me issue. For only the second time since I'd known him, I saw the tears in his eyes.

Now he refuses to look anyone in the eye. Instead he turns his head so no one would see the horrific scars. If that doesn't work, he simply closes his eyes, ignoring whoever is in the room. Eventually he gets his way as people leave. Ty and Sully have been here and gone. Sasha was here. Lieu's been here too. I know they're frustrated, unsure what exactly to say or do. I can't do that...leave him. You see, I'm not most people. This time I'm going to be the stronger one. I have to be the strong one. I have to be strong enough for both of us.

**May 25th**

Tomorrow Bosco is supposed to begin his physical therapy. I don't hold out much hope that he's going to cooperate.

Later...

I was right. He refused to participate or even listen to the therapist. They took him down to physical therapy. His therapist went through the motions, explaining what he needed to do. To begin with, it would be some basics...sort of like warm-ups before you work out. It's a starting point especially since he's still somewhat limited in movement due to injuries that are still healing.

The therapist showed us a schedule that would adjust as he progressed. He was very motivating; explaining that Bosco would have good days and he'd have some bad days and sometimes there'd be lot of bad days before another good day. Sometimes he'd feel like everything was for nothing. When that happens, the best thing Bosco could do was to just give it his best shot. Anything is better than nothing. Nothing is a step backwards and Bosco needs to move forward if he was going to recover from this.

Bosco's idea of pushing forward was finding someone to push his wheelchair back to his room and to have everyone leave him alone. Like he's done with everyone else, he refused to even look at this therapist. He sat there, ignoring all of us. It's the one thing he is able to do. I hope someday soon he'll see things differently but I don't know. This is Bosco...he can be stubborn. When he sets his mind to something...I don't know...

**June 1st**

He showed no signs of progress. If anything he's digressing. The longer he refuses therapy, the harder it would be for him. As expected it was difficult on Rose. From out of nowhere, I explained that it was a good sign. At least he hadn't lost that stubborn side. Now all we had to do is redirect it to work in favor of a recovery rather than hinder it. Easier said than done.

As much as I don't blame them, a lot of people are having trouble deal visiting Bosco. I try to convince them that we have to be stronger than he is. His visits don't have to be long, just consistent enough that he knows we still care about him despite everything that's happened. I think it's the fear that he's going to be alone and I can't handle the idea of him being alone.

**June 4th**

It was while driving home from my shift tonight that I came up with a plan. I understand that Bosco is unable to do much for him self. The only way he is ever going to improve is through therapy. You see he's not able to do much for himself. Basically all he can do is turn his head away from us. He's become an expert at that. I figure at some point it's going to sink into that thick skull of his that neither Rose nor I are leaving so he'd better get used to us. Now since he can't do for him self, that also means he also can't fight us so for now, either Rose or I will put him through our own version of therapy. By the time he's able to fight back, just maybe he'll be showing signs of improving.

**June 7th**

One month...I can't believe it's already been a month. I remember the events as clear as if they just happened yesterday. I wasn't the only one remembering what day it was.

I arrived at work today and was walking down the hallway. I passed by Lieu's office just as I do most days. Today though I stopped seeing that his door was open. He was sitting at his desk reading the newspaper. It wasn't until I knocked lightly that I realized it wasn't today's paper he was reading. It was the paper from a month ago...the one that covered the shooting.

Lieu glanced up at me, then back at the paper. I remember his exact words. He keeps thinking that it's been a bad dream...that he expects to look up and see Bosco coming in the door, late for roll call again. None of this feels real.

I understand his feelings all to well. I live with them every day. The shift turned out to be a long one...just one of those days that nothing goes right. Afterwards I saw Lieu sitting in his office. He saw me walk past. He got up, walked around his desk to join me. Together we went over to Mercy to see Bosco. He was asleep when we got there so we didn't stay too long. Still, it was some comfort knowing that I wasn't the only one having a really bad day.

**June 10th**

Twice a day we work his body. Rose comes first thing in the morning and I come in before my shift. It's been a week now. It began with simple flexing to relieve the stiffness that had set in while he's been immobile. I've adopted an attitude of my own. If he chooses to look away, that's his choice. It bothers me but it's the least of my problems. I refuse to let him see me upset. Instead I try to remain positive.

I guess it should have been strange to have so much contact with his body. We'd barely touched one another despite how long we'd been partners and friends. Our version of therapy is limited to flexing of his arms, wrists, and elbows. From there we move to his legs. For now that's his right leg only but as the cast is removed from his left, we'll add that one too. We flex his knee, ankle and toes. Tomorrow we meet with his therapist to discuss adding light weights.

**June 11th**

He agrees that it's time to start adding some weights as long as we start with light weights. Now instead of Rose and I conducting out therapy in his room, we'll be going down to the PT room.

Once again Bosco is being difficult. Or should I say he's still being difficult. Unlike the flexing, our ability to help him is limited when it comes to the weights. It's a fine line between being able to work the weights ourselves without any cooperation from him and get any benefit.

**June 13th**

Bosco is so stubborn. He's also retained the ability to make us feel guilty. It was another of those days that I want to slap him upside the head. This is increasing difficult on Rose. She just wants her son back. So far, we've seen very little evidence that he still exists.

In many ways Bosco was a private person. He didn't allow anyone to see his fears. Now there's so much going on in that thick skull of his that I don't know what to believe. I've tried talking to him, tried to read his expressions as to what it is that's holding him back the most. It's not like him to back down from anything. His life so far has been a series of challenges. I'd like to think that given what life has thrown his way he's faced them all...until now. Now something's holding him back. He has the capacity to learn to walk again...it will take time and hard word but it can be done. The work it will take isn't the workouts he's used to but it's fairly obvious that he was proud of his muscular build.

In addition he has the capacity to learn to talk again. I'd never given it much thought until now. I know he graduated from high school and I know he left to serve in the military. Now that I think back, it occurs to me that he isn't the book type. I doubt he loved getting up and going to school everyday. Still, learning to speak again is different than school. If nothing else, Bosco had a vocabulary all his own. I'm fairly sure there's at least one nurse or doctor that he'd refer to as a jag-off if he were only able to speak.

That leaves one thing...one thing that changed that day...one thing that he can't relearn.

**June 15th**

Rose and I spoke with the doctors today. She questioned what options were available for his facial scars. More than anything, she agrees, that the scars are what's holding him back.

We learned that there are options but most are expensive and considered cosmetic meaning insurance probably won't cover it. Either way, Rose requested to meet with a specialist. We have an appointment next week.

**June 21st**

I never thought it was possible to love someone you just met but I know differently. The specialist Rose and I went to see gave us wonderful news. There are several treatments available for Bosco's case. Not only that, but the doctor had a complete file on Bosco meaning he knows what happened not only to Bosco but to Mikey. He was so wonderful with Rose, commending her for the strength and courage she's shown during this entire ordeal. Therefore, he's offering his services free of charge. I thought my jaw was going to hit the floor when he said that. I'm pretty sure Rose felt the same way. He's arranged for several others to contribute their services for free as well. There will still be the hospital costs including OR but we'll find a way to cover those.

The new procedure is a form of skin graphing. It will involve removing the top layer of skin and replacing it with skin taken from another area of Bosco's body. As easy as it sounds, there's much more involved than just attaching new skin. There are nerves and muscles involved as well which means the surgery isn't without risks.

The new skin would begin just below his lower eyelid. From there it will follow the edge of his nose down to his upper lip, down to his chin and back along the jaw line to his left ear. There will be some initial scaring but with the skills of the specialist these will eventually fade or be fine lines that are almost indistinguishable....doctors words, not mine.

Now all we have to do is talk to Bosco about it. Despite how he might feel about it, the final decision rests with Rose since Bosco is unable to make his own choices right now.

**June 22nd**

I was with Rose when she went up to speak to Bosco. The surgeon was also on hand to describe the procedure. He also offered before and after pictures of other surgery patients who'd authorized him to use their photos giving Bosco some idea of what he could expect. I watched Bosco's eyes as the doctor described the procedure, pointing out specific targeted areas. At first he acted as if he wasn't interested. In time, his curiosity took over and he did listen.

During my lunch break I stopped off to see Bosco. He wasn't in bed but rather in a wheelchair; something I despised from my own injuries. Still it was better than lying in a bed all day and night. He'd been pushed in front of the window where he had a wonderful view of the back of a building next door. It occurred to me that sitting indoors 24/7 was also something he despised. Bosco needed a change of scenery.

He'd heard me enter even if he didn't look my way. I walked up behind him, turning his chair to face me...something else he despised. I explained what was going to happen as it was happening meaning in the elevator as we went down two floors exiting the building in favor of the rooftop of an older section of the hospital. We sat there for a good half hour, listening to the sounds that Bosco hadn't heard in weeks. Horns honking, ambulance sirens, screeching tires....

Somewhere in there I offered my thoughts on where he was mentally...ending it with the possible surgical procedure. I added that I thought it was a good idea...that it could be just what he needed.

I'd grown so accustomed to physical contact with him that I didn't realize it until I felt him squeeze my hand. It was his way of agreeing that this surgery was the best idea. I wheeled him back to his room, placing him in front of the window again. Before I left, he did something he hadn't done in a long time. He made eye contact with me. The result was that I did something I'd never done. Before leaving I assured him that everything was going to be okay. Maybe I was trying to convince him or maybe I was trying to convince myself. Either way, for the first time in weeks, I had hope that Bosco really could recover from all this.

**July 3rd**

Bosco's surgery was today. I sat with Rose for what seemed like days. There's so much riding on this surgery. Since Bosco is still incapable of caring for himself, that falls on Rose. The decision for this surgery was hers. Along with the hope that Bosco's psychological state will improve are several days of pain similar to that of someone having plastic surgery. I know he's not going to be happy at first since he's been through so much pain already. I hope in time, it will all be worth it.

Earlier in the day, I met with my lawyer, signing the divorce papers. Two months ago a day like today would have had greater effect on me. The time alone had given me a different outlook. Had it not been for Bosco, my marriage might have ended years ago. But, through his words of wisdom, I'd stuck it out...or at least I'd tried. What's done is done. Fred made his choice to move on and I'm at a point that I'm just relieved to be putting that part of my life behind me. That's not to say that I'm not really upset about all this. We still have the custody agreement and the property settlement to discuss but my marriage is over.

**July 4th**

4th of July...it was never a day that I enjoyed working. Seems everyone in the city has firecrackers. I hear them popping and cracking and it brings back memories of the gunshots spraying the waiting room at Mercy. It's a good thing I didn't drive today. I've been closing my eyes all shift, trying to block out the sounds.

I had dinner with Ty and Sully. It's the first time they've worked together in weeks. We were joined by Carlos and his new partner Grace. I vaguely remember her. We were part way through our meal when she started discussing her old stationhouse. Glancing at Carlos, it was obvious that thing was on-going thing with her. Seems she's bored with the 55 neighborhood...not enough excitement for her. I really didn't need this today...any day.

I grew tired of listening to her so I told her off...my version of fireworks. I told her about the time three firefighters were shot while trying to fight a fire...the time Ty was shot by a cold-blooded killer. There was the Russian mobster who was responsible for killing Sully's wife and stepson. I told her of Jerry being shot in a stairwell...the explosion that took the life of Lt Johnson only after he'd been horribly and painfully burned. It'd also taken the life of Alex who was a hell of a lot tougher than Grace could ever dream of being. There was the shooting of the firehouse Captain who'd only been on duty a few days, replacing Lt Johnson. There was Bobby, shot and killed in cold blood by his druggie former best friend who'd also held the gun to Kim's head. There'd been the shooting of Candyman, a veteran officer with over twenty-five years on the job. Then there was Mikey's body and Bosco...my partner of twelve years....maybe, I told her, maybe when it's your friends and family who are being shot...maybe when it's your family and friends who are dying or suffering horrible injuries...maybe when its your friends who are burying their loved ones...maybe then you'd wish it was boring.

I was on my feet through most of what I had to say to Grace...make that scream at her. I had the attention of everyone in the restaurant at the time. I pushed my chair aside as I left, causing it to tip over. Ty and Sully followed me out which made it difficult for me to hide the tears that streamed down my face. Carlos came out moments after...alone.

He complimented me with a 'nice speech'. If nothing else it made me laugh along with the tears. Jelly, my current partner, told me that he'd added a few comments of his own. He'd said "you say your name's Grace?" while shaking his head in disbelief. He'd added something to the effect of "looks like you're having a rather rough day little lady...might be more of them to come".

I guess today wasn't one of my better days. Or maybe it was. Or maybe I just needed to blow off some steam. Maybe I was just nervous about Bosco having the bandages removed tomorrow.

Sully commented later when we were in the locker room that dinner had brought back memories of many a Bosco tirade. He said that obviously I'd worked with Bosco for too long. I was starting to act a little bit like him. I had to disagree though. I hadn't worked with Bosco long enough.


	3. Time 3

**July 5th**

After my comment about not getting to work with Bosco enough, I'd slammed my locker, adding a comment that if Sully wanted to know how Bosco was doing that he should go visit him.

So, I got to Mercy today and guess who was with Bosco? Yep...it was Sully. Sully was talking to him as I watched from the doorway. As I listened a little closer, I discovered what he was talking about. Sully was telling Bosco all about my little blow up at Grace the night before. I was about to say something until I heard something wonderful....Sully laughing as he was telling his story to Bosco. I couldn't remember a time that Bosco and Sully had been close. It's not that the two of them hated each other. I think it had more to do with their individual approach to the job.

As I watched the two of them I realized something else. Bosco wasn't turning his head from Sully. It was still covered in a bandage but I still took that as a good sign.

I cleared my throat as I entered the room. Bosco turned to look at me. He glanced from me to Sully and back again. I knew exactly what he was thinking. I had to remind him that sometimes I'm not all that level-headed. Sometimes I get to be the one who yells and screams.

Sully stayed a few more minutes, just long enough to finish the story.

I stayed a while longer, talking about the fact that the bandages would be coming off tomorrow. The look in his eyes was one of apprehension although I think there was a sign of hope there as well. I probably added insult to injury when I reminded him that his break from therapy was almost over. He did his best to roll his eyes at me. I know he hates therapy. I also know in coming weeks, he's going to begin another type of therapy....speech therapy.

**July 6th**

The bandages came off today. The doctor asked Bosco is he wanted to be alone when they came off. Our newest method of communicating had taken effect. One squeeze of my hand meant yes.

Before he removed the bandages, the doctor reminded us that there would be some swelling but that was to be expected. It could take a week to ten days for the swelling to completely go down given the type of surgery Bosco had been through. There would also be some redness along the areas where the stitches were placed. The stitches would remain for several more days. Once they were removed, the lines where the skin was attached would begin to heal more rapidly. Although they may never completely fade, the lines would become fainter and be less noticeable with each passing day.

As expected there is some puffiness and the stitch lines are visible but the overall look is already a big improvement. Similar to the first time he saw his face, Bosco had glanced in the mirror and quickly looked away. It made sense since unlike those of us who'd been coming by to see him, Bosco had seen little of his original scarring. It was still pretty shocking to him. This time though it didn't take as long before he looked again. Also different from last time...there were no tears...unless you count mine and Roses and those were happy tears.

**July 8th**

It's been two days since the bandages came off. The swelling has gone down considerably. I can't believe how much better he looks. The change is incredible. On the downside there are still some places where there are scars; from his hairline to his eye is a small one, alongside his nose is probably the most noticeable, from his nose to his lip and down to his chin is another one. The one from his chin to his hairline isn't so noticeable since it's the underside of his chin. Still, in time, they will fade some and maybe improve so that they become merely fine lines. Thank God for the skilled hands of the surgeon.

I couldn't help but notice that Bosco was watching me as the bandages came off. I hope he noticed how happy I was. The change was that dramatic. Today it was me holding the mirror for Bosco to see. He still had some hesitation about looking in the mirror but, once again, he gave in to his curiosity. I couldn't tell his reaction at first but the longer he continued to look, the better I felt. I couldn't help but remember the very first time he'd looked in the mirror. It'd been only days after he'd regained consciousness and it'd been pretty traumatic for him...the sudden turning away followed by the tears. Today was a victory for our side.

**July 10th**

The progress Bosco had made physically was interrupted by his latest surgery. This time it hadn't been wasn't about making it easier for him to breathe or to correct a problem in his digestive system or piecing together what's left of his left leg. This time it was purely cosmetic. But what some people consider to be cosmetic is all the difference in the world for Bosco. Everything seems to ride on this. I guess you can tell I'm still shocked by this last surgery. I can't say enough about the improvement.

Bosco's come so far but yet it's a mere bump on the long road he still faces. I wonder sometimes if he'll make it and if not, how far can he go. What will his life be like in six months or a year? I try to push those kind of thoughts out of my mind 'cause we need to focus on today.

**July 11th**

My job's been crazy. It's one thing that we always seem to be short-staffed but then people start going on vacations and it just gets crazy. The last thing I need to hear about is the 'family vacations'. It seems I don't have a family anymore unless you count Bosco and Rose.

Don't get me wrong, I talk to Em and Charlie but they rarely spend any time with me. Like I said, my job's been crazy...lots of overtime. That's not a completely bad thing 'cause I can use the money. With my job promotion and the overtime, I'm saving up for a few things. A new apartment is at the top of my list. I was talking with Rose about it the other day. She heard about me trying to save up some money for a new place and out of the blue she offers me a room at her house. Just like that...'you can always stay with me...I got plenty of room...for as long as you need....'

At first I thought it was a crazy idea but the more I think about it, it does make sense. Sure living with someone might not be easy. I mean I've known Rose for years but you never really know someone until you share a roof. But, on the other hand, I also lived with a condescending husband who had an affair while I was in a wheelchair...a teenage daughter with a major attitude, and Charlie who somehow seems relatively sane although I remind myself that he's young...he still has time to make his mother crazy.

After work tonight I stopped off at Haggerty's thinking a beer might be good. I guess I'm still surprised to find Rose working there. She started a couple weeks ago. After her injury and all it looked like she might have some trouble finding a job. One afternoon after visiting with Bosco I suggested she go for a beer with some of us from the 55. It wasn't a regular thing for us but it happened from time to time. This shooting had brought the 55's closer together. Traumatic events do that and this was one more such event. Rose hesitated but after some coercing, she finally gave in. Turns out they had a position to fill and Rose was more than ready to get back to work. It didn't hurt that she came highly recommended.

Even with all the time we'd spent at Mercy sitting with Bosco, Rose didn't know many from the 55. I almost forgot that the day Bosco was shot, we'd been there waiting for word on Rose who'd been injured earlier in the day. Rose hadn't been in the waiting room with us.

So, I introduced everyone....Sully, Ty, DK, Carlos, Walsh, and Holly. Kim strolled in a half hour or so later mumbling about something Jimmy must've done. I was glad she was drinking a coke. Rose was in rare form. Maybe it wasn't rare form for her now that I think about it. I mean she'd been reading Bosco like a book for years. Anyway, back to Kim. Rose noticed Kim was pregnant and commented half-jokingly that she already had everything she needed from a man. Later when the party seemed to thin out to just Sully, Ty, Rose and I she added that divorce is a tough thing. For her personally, divorcing Bosco's father was the best thing she did. As far as her sons were concerned, it was the worst. Despite his faults and 'he had more than his share' the boys still needed a father. Unfortunately Anthony never measured up. There was this uncomfortable silence as we all must've been wondering the same thing. Where was Anthony? I hadn't seen him since Mikey's wake.

I hung around until Rose got off work which was all of a half hour. I gave her a ride home. That's when I learned what powers of persuasion she had. She gave me a tour of her home including the 'nice big secluded bedroom upstairs that has its own bath'. I didn't need her to point out that it was large enough for a sitting area on one side. She knew exactly what she was up to.

However, I have to admit that she raised some very good points. I know it's silly to continue living in the apartment Fred and I had shared. I also agree that it makes no sense for Rose to live alone in a somewhat spacious home. What I didn't know was that Rose had just recently paid off her mortgage...or should I say that Bosco and Mikey had recently paid off her mortgage. Rose didn't know it until after Mikey's death that Bosco had been carrying an insurance policy on Mikey. Rose had received a phone call from Bosco's best friend in high school. At first she'd thought he was offering his condolences. It wasn't until they actually sat down that he explained the reason for Bosco taking out a life insurance policy on Mikey. Mikey's choices in life weren't exactly leaning towards him dying of old age. He seldom had a job and if he did it wasn't the type of job that offered benefits. So Bosco had taken out a policy covering Mikey. In the event that Mikey was killed, Bosco didn't want the costs of a funeral to fall on Rose. So he'd taken out a policy and had listed Rose as the beneficiary. The policy had been decent in size...large enough to pay for Mikey's funeral and to pay off Rose's mortgage. She explained that she'd gone to the bank just days before talking to the surgeon about possible surgeries that were available for Bosco. Had she had any idea he'd have surgery not covered by insurance she would have saved the money to pay for the surgery or at least put it towards paying for the surgery. So, she summed it up by saying that I'd be helping her out by sharing her home and sharing the expenses of utilities and such. I'd have a somewhat private space with the exception of the shared kitchen. We worked basically the same hours and the added benefit of me having a car helped her. She suckered me when she added that the money she saved by sharing expenses would go towards paying off Bosco's surgery. So, how do I say no to that?

I think I just learned why Bosco couldn't say no to his mother. She was a born saleswoman. I learned one other thing. A few years back, I'd discovered I was pregnant. Bosco and I had gone round and round discussing it. In the end, it didn't turn out to be one of our finer moments. But, I recall having a discussion about bills and responsibilities. Bosco had told me that he had bills. He'd just neglected to mention that one such bill was life insurance for his little brother. Sometimes he amazes me...sometimes I think he's self-centered and arrogant. Then I find out about him doing something like carrying insurance on his brother and paying for the funeral of someone who gets killed in the back of our RMP. The most amazing thing is that he doesn't talk about it. He just does things because it's right and because he cares....because he's a decent human being. Someday I might tell him that I know about what he did for Mrs. Granger's son but I suspect he'd give me his "I don't know what you're talking about' look.

**July 18th**

Bosco thinks I'm insane. Someday I should take him on in a game of poker. There's no way he could bluff me. Of course then he'd give me that 'I'm hurt' look and I'd end up feeling guilty about taking his money.

Anyway, the insane part goes like this. I stopped by to see him before work, telling him how I'd given my landlord notice that I'd be moving out. This news came as a surprise to him. That was nothing compared to the surprise his face showed when I told him I was moving in with Rose. I was quick to add that it was temporary. I told him about Rose's sales pitch and how she'd twisted my arm into agreeing to this. No surprise there. I'm pretty sure he's well aware of Rose's arm twisting abilities.

It's been two weeks since his last surgery and I'm still amazed by the results. It's far from perfect and he'll never look the same as he did before the shooting. But, this last surgery...it's changed him. I really think he's going to be able to live with the results. Still, he's got a long way to go on his road to recovery.

**July 20th**

I stopped and picked up Rose on the way to Mercy. Bosco kept looking at one of us, then the other while having this strange look on his face. I don't think the idea of Rose and I sharing a place had sunk in yet. Can't say that I blame him. It's still unreal to me too except for when I'm cramming all my stuff in boxes. Rose has been bringing home empty liquor boxes. I never thought about it but if a box is strong enough to hold glass bottles of liquor, then it's strong enough to hold my junk. Plus the sizes are easy to handle.

Anyway, back to Bosco. With the stitches out and the scars healing, it's time for him to start up with therapy again. I think now that his facial scars are looking a lot better, he might handle physical therapy a lot better. After all, at one point I thought that was the one thing that was really holding him back.

In addition to physical therapy, he's going to be starting speech therapy too. Six weeks has passed since the shooting that nearly took his life. Six weeks later and Bosco is about to begin the second phase of reclaiming his life.

**July 23rd**

Bosco made one thing perfectly clear today. He's tired of being fed through a vein. How exactly he made that perfectly clear isn't important. He just did. I don't blame him. If I'd had surgery as much as he has, been in as much pain as he has, and had my jaw wired shut for as long as he had, I'd be ready for a nice juicy hamburger too. Maybe a nice juicy steak. Either way Bosco wants real food. The fact that I understand all this without him talking leaves me a little frightened of what he has to say once he's able to talk again. I can only guess that it won't be pretty although it might be colorful.

**July 24th**

It's official. I'm no longer Faith Yokas. I got the final papers today. I actually stood there reading them over and over, expecting some sort of a reaction that never came. As far as work goes, I've been Faith Mitchell ever since I got the promotion. I guess over time, I've been through the range of emotions...anger, denial, sorrow...that feeling that I failed. I've had them all at one point or another. I swear I felt some of them at the same time. Anyway, it didn't hit me like I thought it would. What I felt was relief. It was time....time to put that chapter of my life behind me and move on.

Since I had the day off I had made a few plans. I'd spend some time with Bosco and then spend the better part of the day getting my stuff packed up.

I drove over to Mercy and found a surprise awaiting me. Actually it wasn't just a surprise for me. I'd bet my next paycheck that Bosco was surprised too.

I was walking down the hall to Bosco's room just like I've done before. This time, I heard voices so I waited. That's when it hit me. I recognized the voices. One was Rose....the other one was my firstborn....Emily. I hadn't talked with her in over a week and here she was sitting with Bosco. Not only that but she was talking with Rose as if the two were old friends. I'm not sure what it was but I felt something while standing there in the hallway. Maybe it was a pang of jealousy...that Emily so openly talked to Rose. I'm sure that was part of it. But, at the same time, I was proud of Emily for making the effort to come by and spend some time with Bosco. Rose must have spotted me 'cause she said something about having a question for the doctor.

From the hallway I overheard Emily talking to Bosco. She was telling him that she was glad that he'd made it...that she didn't know what I'd have done if we lost him. Charlie too, she'd added. Charlie would have been lost without Uncle B. She promised to bring Charlie when Bosco was up for a visit. I think Bosco was happy to see her...to have her spend time with him. I have no doubt he was happy to see how well she got along with Rose.

I watched from the hallway as she stood, leaned over and hugged Bosco. I know I must've had this silly grin on my face. Rose softly tugged on my elbow as the two of us walked down the hallway to the nurses' desk. We were there when Emily approached, surprised to see me.

I had some trouble reading her. I guess that was nothing new. I'd had trouble reading her for the last few years. She said my name...Mom...in a soft voice before adding 'Bosco's going to be okay...' She sounded just like she had when she was little. Always being the strong one. I nodded in agreement, returning her smile. She talked briefly about the news that I was going to be moving in with Rose. She actually thought it was cool. Rose added that she had plenty of room should Emily or Charlie want to stay with us. Her answer to that had been a 'really?' It sounded like she was willing to consider it. For the time being, I'm taking that as a positive sign.

**July 26th**

The landlord left a note under my door last night saying that he had a possible renter for the place. That was good news. The bad news was that they needed to be in on the first...August 1st - which by my calendar is just five days away. I called Rose telling her the news. She saw no reason why I couldn't move in sooner. I loaded the dozen or so boxes I'd packed so far into my car and headed over to Rose's. Along with a few neighbors, we shuffled furniture for a few hours. I stopped by Haggerty's on the way home, picking up a couple dozen more boxes. Before leaving for work, I'd managed to pack up most of what was left in the apartment. I had no idea how long it'd take me to sort it all out but it was boxed and ready to be moved. The good thing about working in a predominantly male job is that it's fairly easy to round up strong helpers. I did just that. I'd had little trouble convincing Sully and Ty to help me. We'd also rounded up Carlos, DK, and Walsh from across the street. They arrive at eight o'clock in the morning and had moved thirty boxes and numerous pieces of furniture by noon. In those four hours, the group had shared enough Bosco stories that I doubted any of us could make eye contact with it being followed by a laugh.

The biggest surprise that day was hearing that everyone there had been up to Mercy within the past couple weeks. I think hearing the stories really touched Rose. She insisted on making us all lunch. One thing I learned about Rose...she makes a mean lasagna. I don't think there was any doubt we'd all be sticking around for lunch. It was Ty who asked if anyone ever said no to Rose. She chuckled to herself explaining only that she had plenty of her own stories where Bosco was concerned. Rose left quite an impression on everyone. On our dinner break that night, Carlos went so far as to wonder aloud if Rose had any rooms for rent.

**July 31st**

I sit in the middle of was once my living room, memories flooding my mind. I remember the good times and I remember the not so good times. I remember Emily asking if we could have a piano. I remember Charlie's first steps. I remember the many times Fred walked through that door drunk. I remember the time I sat here giving him an ultimatum on his drinking. I remember standing in the kitchen, telling him I was pregnant. I remember coming home to a bunch of drunken baseball buddies who knew about the baby I eventually aborted.

I remember a time when Bosco was a welcome guest. I remember the time he came to my door asking for help only to have me close the door in his face. Bosco knew me well enough to know that I only said no cause Fred was standing right behind me. And I remember the night I took the Sergeants test...the night Fred left...the night Bosco stopped over...the night he talked about September 11th...the night he cried in my arms. All these memories took place in this apartment but yet none of them will remain here when I leave. Good or bad, they'll all walk out that door with me.

I have a few regrets. I always thought that someday I'd move out of this apartment but I thought my family would be moving out together. I guess there were times when I had my doubts that my marriage would survive. Those early days when Fred was drunk more nights than he was sober...the time in my life when I aborted my child because I didn't want to be a divorced mom with three kids. I remember that through most of it Bosco had been by my side. He hadn't agreed with some of my decisions. He'd flat out refused to talk to after some of them but through it all, I held onto to something he'd said once...that he'd always be there. He was right about one other thing too. He's not anybody...nobody could ever be Bosco. Bosco's more than my partner...see, I still think of him as my partner....Bosco's my best friend. I just wish he was here so I wouldn't have to walk out that door one last time...alone.

One thing I've learned over the years is that Bosco could read my mind. He knew exactly what I was thinking without me saying a word. I think he got that from Rose. Just as I was gathering up the last few things, I heard a knock at my door. It was funny...I'd been sitting there thinking about Bosco and then I heard that knock. Honestly, for a brief few seconds, I almost expected him to be standing on the other side of the door. Of course, he wasn't but someone very close to him was.

I left the apartment today for the last time...closing a chapter of my life when I closed the door for the last time. Through those final moments in the apartment Rose hadn't said a word. She didn't have to. Rose and Bosco are so much alike.


	4. Time 4

**August 6th**

It's been a weekâa very long week. I'm thinking I might just live with Rose until she gets tired of me and kicks me out. The last thing I want to do right now is to move again anytime soon. Between overtime and unpacking, I'm lucky if I see Bosco two or three times in a week and those are short visits. I stopped in for one such short visit today only to find out he's moved too. Since he's no longer in need of medical care, they moved him to the rehabilitation/physical therapy wing. Late last week they'd started him on liquids in place of the IV feedings. So now I know a little more about Bosco that I didn't know before. On his list of dislikes are Jell-O, applesauce, and a few other things that I don't blame him for not wanting to eat. I wouldn't want to eat them either.

For one thing, Bosco has taken care of himself for years and to have someone feeding him doesn't sit well with him. This is Mr. Independent were talking about here. I stopped by one afternoon to find him with Rose. Her one mistake was commenting that the food looked like baby food. In general that was the truth. However, saying that to Bosco while she was in the process of feeding himânot a good idea. I've never met anyone who can say more with his eyes than Bosco.

Rose commented to me later at home that when he was a baby he used to clamp his lips together when he didn't like what she was trying to feed him. When he did this, there was no way anyone was gong to get him to open his mouth. She'd tried pinching his nose. It'd worked once but only once. Even as a child, he'd been smart. After her pinching his nose, he'd opened his mouth only to get a mouthful of something he didn't like. So, he promptly spit it out. The next time she tried the nose-pinching technique, he'd beat herâholding out so long that she stopped for fear that he was going to pass out in his highchair. When Rose told me this story, I all but fell off my chair. Bosco had been stubborn far longer than I'd experienced. I almost felt sorry for Rose. If Bosco had been my child, I'm fairly sure he would have been an only child.

**August 8th**

Sometimes I lose all track of time. Between my promotion, my new home, and Boscoâ.I don't have time to think. I guess that's why I forgot all about a meeting with my lawyer. I remembered it as soon as I heard the message on my cell phone. I called but he'd already left the office for the day. I rescheduled with his receptionist. I wonder if my life will ever be normal again or if this is normal.

**August 18th**

Okay so this time I made it to his officeâmy attorney's that is. He wasn't pleased with me. I made some comment about my job. He nodded, directing me to a chair.

We went over a list. I couldn't remember what had been in the apartment. Whenever we went over this question all I could think of was my kids. My kids were gone from the apartment. Everything else didn't matter.

I had a hard time getting past my kids being gone. I wanted my kids backâbeyond the phone calls here and thereâbeyond the short visits we had. Everything was immaterial. Fred and I had been married a long time. Most of what we had was old anywayâneeding to be replaced. The TV was old, the VCR was old, the furniture had seen better days. Other smaller items didn't matter to me. If I hadn't missed it by this time, I didn't need it.

I did remember one thingâ.one big thing that we needed to get settled. Fred's truck. I didn't care if he had to sell the damn thing. I wanted my half. I deserved more than half since Fred had cancelled our three days alone together so he could spend it with a truck. I knew Fred would be mad that I brought the truck into this. What did he expect? He's lucky I didn't ask for the whole thing. I got more satisfaction out of knowing that there was no way he could buy out my half. It would have to be sold.

There's still the matter of the kids and what's going to happen with them. Like I said, I barely see them. Once in a while Emily spends the night at Rose's. Usually I spend the night working and come home to find her in bed or asleep on the couch. She talks to meâ.yeah you believe that? My teenage daughter talks to me. She hates Fred's new girlfriend. She hates that she still doesn't have her own room. At Rose's, she has her own room. I think she's just weighing her options. Who's easier to live withâme or Fred? Which of us gives her the least amount of grief? So far I've tried to be civil. Meeting Caroline didn't make my day especially since she did it at the stationhouse. I think she has a screw loose. I can't understand what it is that she sees in Fred. Either way, she's welcome to him.

**August 23rd**

I stopped by to visit Bosco but he was in therapy. I talked with Rose tonight about how he's doing. I barely get to see him anymore. Usually he's in therapy of some kind. Either that or he's asleep or he's having lunch. I can't seem to get my schedule to match his. At least he's eating solid food again so he's getting his strength back.

**August 28th**

Bosco was kind of quiet today. Not being able to speak will do that to a person. It's more than that though. He's not himself. I see it in Rose too. She's exhausted. She's trying to spend as much time as possible with him. It's hard on her. She's still grieving for Mikey and she's running from home to the hospital to work. It's draining her but I understand how she feels. If it were Emily or Charlie lying in that hospital, I'd want to be there too.

**September 4th**

I talked to Emily today. She's upset again. I don't blame her. I'm a little upset too. Fred and the little girlfriend are getting married. Emily gave me all the details. I've heard about all I can take of their love life. Listening to Bosco talk about his was one thing. I got used to that. Listening to my former husband of sixteen years is another matter all together.

Emily spent the night. After she went to bed, I sat down with Rose. She tells me that she and Emily have been talking. Apparently they talk a lot. I apologized for Emily dumping her problems on Rose. She just smiled. I can tell she loves my daughter. Emily's no trouble she says. Actually she's the opposite. I can see where this is headed. Emily wants to live with meâor rather with Rose and I just happen to live under the same roof. She'll learn to tolerate me as long as she doesn't have to live with her father and his future wife. It's like choosing from the worst of two evils. Fred and Caroline or Rose and me? From Rose's perspective Emily needs her motherâshe needs to know that someone still cares about her and it sounds like Fred is too busy with the new girlfriend to remember having a daughter. That's not like Fred. Emily was always daddy's girl. Give it a try Rose says. I tried to explain that she's seeing the best in Emily. She's probably missed the attitude, the slamming door, the pouting when she doesn't get her way. Rose smiled again before reminding me that Bosco was once fifteen and sometimes he wasn't a joy to live with either. On top of that, he came with a little brother who idolized his big brother. I guess if Rose doesn't have a problem with a teenage girl living under her roof, then I should be grateful.

**September 10th**

Emily moved in with us today. It was against Fred's wishes of course. I was a wreck. It's one thing to want my kids back. It's another thing to realize that they aren't going to be togetherâliving under the same roof. They've always been close. Emily always looked after Charlie. I think she's going to miss him and it makes me worry about Charlie more. The one thing we didn't consider was Emily's school. Rose isn't too worried. It will all work out she reminds me. I figure we have two optionsâshe takes the subway or I drive her. I'm not crazy about having my teenage daughter riding the subway alone so I offer to take her to school. There is another possibility. Maybe as she gets to know the kids around here, she might want to make the move to a school close to her new home. We'll see.

**September 18th**

It's over. Officially my marriage was over months ago. Today it's over entirely. Fred has to sell the truck. He's not pleased with that but he has no other options. Neither he nor the future Mrs. have the cash to buy me out. Other than that, the settlement is pretty simple. Fred will have custody of Charlie and I'll have custody of Emily. I get visitation with Charlie and he gets visitation with Emily. I suggested that maybe we should alternate visitation so the two of them still get to spend some time together. Fred didn't like the idea basically because it was my idea. The judge, however, agreed. At this point, I'm not paying any support to Fred nor am I paying any alimony. Since my job has better benefits, it's my responsibility that they have insurance. I think he hates my job even more, if that's possible.

**September 20th**

Bosco had yet another surgery. This time it was his leg again. He's been having trouble in therapy. New tests showed that there was some damage to the leg. I'm losing track but I think this was his sixth surgery on the leg. In total, since the shooting he's had fifteen surgeriesâ.fifteen in just over four months. Ironically most of them have been to that leg. Between the knee, the ligaments, the cartilage, and the bonesâhis leg was a mess. Even the surgeries to reconstruct his face have been fewerâfewer by one.

All in all, the surgery to his face is good. He'll never look like he did before the shooting but the results are still incredible. Some scars remain and overall the look is good. But I rode with Bosco was twelve yearsâeight hours a night for twelve years. I see things others don't. But, if he can live with it, that's all that matters.

**October 2nd**

Bosco's having a tough time. Even with the latest surgery healing well, he's still having a lot of problems. I think it goes beyond the actual healing process. What can I say, I know him. I see things. He's not able to speak so the doctors and therapists are limited to what they understand. I read his faceâthe look in his eyes. There's more going on here than meets their eye. I'm just not sure how to handle it. Maybe its time Rose and I talked. She listens to me like I listen to her. She's been a blessing through everything.

**October 11th**

Rose and I sat down for a joint meeting concerning Bosco's lack of progress. The meeting included his doctors, the therapists (physical, speech, and psychological) and Rose and me. I've been fortunate that Rose includes me. I think she does it because she gets strength from me. She doesn't know that's a two-way street. I don't know what I would have done without her these past months especially with my divorce on top of everything with Bosco.

Basically the conclusion is that he's withdrawing. Over time, five months now, he's had a lot to contend with. Foremost, he nearly lost his life. In addition, there's the psychological aspect of the reconstruction of his face, the physical aspects of his inability to walk and his inability to speakâit's taken a toll on him.

Before the shooting, Bosco was independent. He'd been somewhat independent since he was a kid. He'd taken on adult responsibilities when he was just ten years old. He'd assumed the role of protector for both his mother and Mikey.

Prior to the shooting, he'd lost Mikey in the worst possible way. He'd witnessed the gruesome discovery of what was left of Mikey's body. It's not that we'd forgotten that, it's just that Bosco's had enough on his plate with his injuries. Still, in his own mind, he's still grieving or attempting to grieve. His brain was trying to deal with the loss of Mikey, the feeling that he'd failed to protect Mikey, his own shooting and the trauma, frustrations, and pain that came with that. In addition, even though he was unable to speak and nearly unable to move, it's more than likely that he still feels he has to protect those that he cares about. How a person does all of that or any part of that is one of life's mysteries. In Bosco's case, he was lacking one major aspect to do this: his inability to vent his frustrationsâto relieve some of the stress.

Had he been able to talk, he might have opened up to any one of us. If nothing else you go outside and simply scream at the top of your lungs. Anything to get it out.

Another possibility was exercise. You have a stressful day; you work it off in a gym. Given his injuries, the structured aspect of his physical therapy, and his continual surgeries, that was also not an option. To let him work it off with additional exercise jeopardized what progress he had made as well as the condition of his leg.

So, it builds up and over five months he'd suppressed a lot. Bosco is reaching a point where he's starting to shut down.

Our options were limited. More than anything Bosco had the need to protect us and to be strong for us. Neither Rose nor I took that well but, in effect; our being around him was possibly doing him more harm than good. In some cases that would be different. Some people need others to be strong. Bosco, it seems, hasn't changed. He needs to do this his own way. He needs to do this just like he's done so many other thingsâon his own.

There is another clinic that is more specialized in what Bosco needs. The only problem is that facility isn't in New York. It's in Bostonâhours away.

The doctors will talk to Bosco about it but I think the decision has already been made. Rose knows it as well as I do.

**October 19th**

Bosco's leaving.

I wish I knew what was going on inside that head of his. I used to know. I used to be able to tell what he was thinking. Lately thoughâthese past few monthsâhe's shut me out. Today Rose informed me that he's going to the clinic in Bostonâone that specializes in the recovery of people with injuries like Bosco.

I don't get to see him as much as I used to. I get up to Mercy once or twice a week. It's not as much as I'd like but it's enough to know that he's reached a point where he's not making any progress.  
  
I can't imagine not being able to stop by and visit him but I know this is for the best.

**November 2nd**

I know he's leaving in the morning. I was going to go by the hospital on my break but it didn't work out. Truth is, I don't want him to leave and I know if I went up there, I'd break down and I didn't want to do that. I guess I'm still trying to be strong for both of us. It's not working. I can't even write anymore 'because I can't see through these damn tears.

Damn Mannâdamn the guys who shot Boscoâwho killed Mikey. I feel as if we've lostâthat they've beaten us again. I feel like I'm losing BoscoâI'm losing my partnerâI'm losing my best friend.

**November 3rd**

I went to see him anyway, knowing full well that I wouldn't get through it without tears. I was right. It was kind of strange. I reminded him of the time I'd told him he acted like one of my kidsâthat he was selfishâthat he needed to grow up. I said it while shaking my head.

Truth is, I told him, this time I was the one being selfish. I wanted him to get well but I also wanted him to do it where I could still stop by and see him. By staying here in New York, he'd be close by and I'd get to see himâto spend time with him. But in doing so, I'd be depriving him of what he needed more than anythingâto regain control over his life. As much as I wanted him close by, I wanted him well. I wanted him to be the person I knew he could be. So, if that meant going to Boston, then he needed to go to Boston.

About that time, I was a blubbering mess. I promised him that I'd look after Rose hoping that he'd worry a little less about her. I also told him how great she got along with Emily. The three of us would support one another while he was in Boston.

Despite the fact that I wanted him to get better and that I knew he had to go to Boston to do that, it didn't mean I wasn't going to miss him. He'd been a huge part of my life for too long for me not to miss him. With tears streaming down my face, I moved forward giving him a hug, placing a kiss on his forehead.

I didn't get as far as the parking lot and I was already missing him.


	5. Time 5

**November 4th**

By the time I got home from work it was morning. Not too late...just after 1:30. I strolled to the kitchen for a drink of water. I had a headache that'd spent an entire shift with me. I climbed the stairs, turned the corner to find my bed occupied.

I kicked off my shoes, waking Emily from her slumber. She yawned while stretching. I asked her if she was okay since it wasn't normal for her to be in my room. She sat up while explaining that she was worried about me. I apologized for being late, a little baffled by it all. It wasn't the first time I'd been late. She cleared up all the confusion when she asked how I was doing, adding that she'd been by Mercy to wish Bosco well.

He seemed so sad she'd explained. I knew the feeling. He'd seemed sad to me too. Sad and worried about what he was leaving behind. I sat beside Emily, pulling her into a hug. I told her I understood adding that I was proud of her. I thanked her for what she'd done for Rose. She shrugged it off saying that she liked Rose.

After a little while longer, she got up, strolling back to her own bed. She'd done so but not before telling me that everything was going to be okay. Sometimes I wonder who's the parent and who's the kid.

**November 25th**

Thanksgiving was a mixed blessing...so to speak. On one hand I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm grateful that Bosco survived the horrendous injuries that nearly took him from us. I'm grateful that I have Emily living with me. It's not perfect; nowhere near perfect but then living with a teenager never was. I'm grateful for Rose...for her suggestion that I share her home...for the strength I get from her in this ordeal with Bosco...for the positive influence she has on Emily...for the support she gave me through my divorce..

However, there are things I wish were different. I still feel that I failed in my marriage. Looking back, I can't see anything that I would have done differently but yet I still feel that I failed. Not so much where Fred and I are concerned. I feel I failed my children especially since they no longer share a roof.

I wish Bosco was with us...sharing Thanksgiving dinner with Rose and Emily and I. But most of all, speaking as a mother, I wish Rose and Bosco weren't grieving the loss of Mikey. All in all, Mikey wasn't a bad guy. Somewhere along the line he just took the wrong exit. His death was a tragedy given that he was trying to do the right things. I guess I should add that I'm grateful for the time Bosco had with Mikey...the night Mikey got his six-month coin.

**December 6th**

I finally got Emily and Charlie's school pictures. On my way to work, I dropped an envelope off in the mail, sending Bosco one of each. Over the years, I'd always shared the kid's school pictures with Bosco. This year they'd be a little different. I hoped they'd be a positive reminder of two people who anxiously wanted Uncle Bosco back home.

**December 13th**

I went into work today on a mission I knew that Bosco wouldn't be home for Christmas this year. So, I'd gone to the drug store and bought a nice card for him. I also bought a pad of paper. I stopped off to see Lieu, catching him before roll call. My plan was to have any many as possible sign the card. In addition, I thought maybe some of them would want to add a little message. I planned on mailing the card on the 15th which would give it a week to reach Bosco in Boston.

Lieu promised me he'd make an announcement in roll call and pass the word along to the other shifts as well. I was cordial enough to let Cruz know, although I didn't stick around long enough to get her response.

**December 15th**

I cried when I saw the number of responses to Bosco's card project. Lieu had been collecting them in his office. At first he handed me the card. There wasn't a bare spot on it anywhere. Even the back was filled. I was still studying all the names on the card when he presented me with a box filled with little notes from the 55 gang. I didn't count them but it was amazing. Even more amazing was the card and notes I got when I made a stop at Mercy. Mary had heard about the card idea and had gone down to the gift shop and bought one. Like the one from the house, it was filled with names. In addition there were fifteen or twenty letters; some short and some not so short.

Instead of mailing a nice card I ended up mailing a small box filled with messages. I was so overwhelmed with it that I paid the extra to have it sent priority so Bosco would get it well before Christmas.

**December 23rd**

I arrived at the station to find Lieu with a silly smile on his face. I questioned him as to what made him so happy. I suppose I sounded like Scrooge but then it was going to be my first Christmas without my kids.

Lieu directed me to follow him into his office which I did. He picked up an envelope, handing it to me. It was addressed to the 55th precinct. The postmark was from Boston. Lieu explained that he was at the desk when the mail came in. He saw the postmark and knew it must be from Bosco. So, he'd saved it til I got in.

I must have looked like a kid at Christmas ripping it open. It was a card...a Christmas card. I read the front of it quickly before flipping it open. Inside was a holiday cheer message which I barely read. What caught my eye was what was written below that. It was shaky and a little uneven but it clearly said 'Bosco'.

Sully stopped by questioning why the two of us were so happy. He figured neither of us had heard the weather forecast. Weathermen were predicting a snowstorm with heavy snowfall starting later tonight.

I handed Sully the card, watching his expression change from Ebenezer talking about snowfall to the smile as he nodded his head. His eyes met mine and for a second, I swear he was choked up inside. He handed me the card back while giving me a hug. I gave the card back to Lieu so he could share it at roll call. Then I called Rose to check on her flight. She was supposed to leave for Boston in the morning. By the time I got home from work, her flight had been cancelled. I knew she'd be upset about not being able to spend Christmas with Bosco especially since it was her first one without Mikey.

Rose was somewhat upset but not as much as I would have expected. I found the reason why in an envelope. She'd received a card...signed by Bosco. She smiled as I read it, then handed me another card. This one was also from Boston and was addressed to me and Emily. Emily appeared out of nowhere. I questioned why she hadn't opened it since it was addressed to her as well. She shrugged her shoulders before asking me if I was going to open it or not?

**December 24th**

Christmas Eve. Emily and I went to Mass with Rose. Despite the fact that we're not Catholic, we felt welcomed by a congregation that engulfed Rose in hugs and wishes that Bosco would be home soon.

Near the end of the service, the minister offered a blessing for those of God's children who had joined him during the past year...it's still unreal to put Mikey and death in the same sentence. The minister also offered a blessing for those who were unable to be with us this year. This included Bosco. Those who we'd lost would forever be with us in our hearts. Those who were unable to join us tonight, he prayed would be with us in the coming year.

I know in my heart that the service helped. It was nice being around people who cared about Bosco and who showered Rose with their love and well-wishes.

**Christmas Day**

I might never complain about another snowfall...not even a blizzard.

Fred was supposed to be back from his honeymoon. He was going to have Emily and Charlie since I had them for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately for him the heavy snow forced his flight to be cancelled. Emily and Charlie spent Christmas with Rose and me.

I won't say that I didn't miss Bosco but having my kids with me for Christmas...it was a wonderful Christmas.

**February 28th**

It's been another long shift in the snow and cold. I can't seem to get warm anymore. I sit in my room, wondering how Bosco's doing. If I had it my way, I'd get in the car and drive up to Boston and see for myself. I've had that urge a lot.

I've written him several letters, just to keep him up to date on all the excitement at the house. I hate myself every time I mail a letter, wondering if it's good for me to keep writing about stuff at work. It seems I don't have this feeling while I'm writing or on my way to the mailbox. I only get it when I let go of the letter.

I haven't heard back from any of my letters. It's only after I let go of another one that I got an idea. Maybe I'll try my idea in the next letter.

**March 3rd**

I decided that it's time. I've been saving money for awhile now and I think its time to find my own place...a place for Emily and me. I told Rose and she did exactly what I expected. She told me I was welcome to stay as long as I wanted. She loved having Em and me. I know I'm going to miss her and I know Emily will too. I told Emily about my decision. I think she was surprised. She said she'll miss Rose and of course Rose commented that Emily was welcome to spend the night now and then if she wanted.

Now all I have to do if find a place in New York. I made Emily another promise as well. I told her I won't sign anything until she gets to see the place too. We're going to start looking next week. Not the ideal way to spend spring break but it'll make it easier since she won't be in school during the day.

**March 11th**

Emily and I found a place. It's not far from where Ty and Carlos live. The rooms aren't especially big as if anything in New York has large rooms. Anyway, Emily likes it...I like it and I might just have money left over to do something besides pay bills. Bad news is that it won't be available until the end of April. I figure that's not such a bad thing since it will give me more time to pack and more time to gather up a moving party.

**March 18th**

It's been over a month since I wrote him last. My guilt over talking about the station lasted longer this time. Anyway, I sat down to write him another letter and I remembered my idea from a month ago.

I have no idea how he's progressing. I'm being positive here...thinking that he's getting better. I might have to strangle him if he isn't...especially after he's been gone so long.

Anyway, instead of just writing to him like I usually do, I make it like a test. I write about something and offer him three choices as to how it ended leaving a line there for him to make his choice. I figure if he can write his name, despite it being somewhat shaky, he can certainly mark an X on my 55th Precinct update quiz. I decided to go easy on him, only asking five questions. Besides, it's hard work coming up with bogus answers that could be real.

**April 1st**

If I didn't know better, I'd swear Bosco planned on me getting his answers back on April Fools Day.

I was sitting at lunch wishing this day would end when I remembered the letter. The mailman had just come as I was leaving for work so I didn't have time to read it. I pulled it out while waiting for our meal. Lunch today was with Sully and Davis. It was a rare occasion when the two of them got to work together.

Anyway I'm sitting there reading this and snickering all the while. Finally Sully reaches over taking the letter from my hand. I explained it was from Bosco while grabbing it back. Okay so now I had their attention. So I explained the concept, making it a multiple choice quiz to see how well Bosco knew our sector. I read the five questions to Sully and Davis. They both missed one. Not the same one, but they missed one. Turns out Bosco did better than anyone. He got all five right.

**April 27th**

Moving day....I swear this is the last time. I know I said that last time but this time is the last time. The final last time.

My party of movers didn't change much since last time. It actually increased by several of Emily's friends. Once again, I give credit to Haggerty's for their fine selection of sturdy boxes. The amount of furniture we moved changed which is kind of strange when you consider that I hadn't bought anything. Rose was having a sale and the price was right....free too a good home.

**April 29th**

The job of unpacking was far worse than before. It kept me busy but it did little to stop the memories that flooded my mind. The year anniversary of Mikey's death and Bosco's shooting is drawing near. Before moving out and several times during and after I reminded Rose that Emily and I would be with her if she wanted us...if she needed us. She talked about going to visit her sister who lived upstate.

**May 1st**

I dropped Rose off at the bus station today. She's decided to get away for a while...visit with her sister. The reminder of Mikey's death is too much for her. She doesn't want to be here on the anniversary of his death. I don't blame her. I'm having enough trouble dealing with the anniversary of Bosco's shooting coming up.

**May 2nd**

I spent the day unpacking. After unpacking most of what was left to unpack, I went on a cleaning frenzy...not just everyday cleaning but cleaning that left me exhausted. As exhausted as I was it didn't make me forget what today was. One year since Mikey's body had been found...what was left of his body. It still gives me chills to think of Bosco seeing Mikey like that. I have no idea how a person gets past that.

I called Rose at her sister's, talking with her until it was time for me to head to work. It was a long shift; one that I never thought was going to end. Around ten-thirty Jelly and I headed back to the station.

We got back to the station. I was following Jelly as we made our may up the sidewalk. Jelly was still mumbling about the case we were working on. My mind was on overload. It was refusing to absorb another word. All I wanted to do was grab my stuff and go home and go to bed. Maybe I could sleep for a week and miss the 7th. Maybe I wouldn't have to relive that day. Maybe I wouldn't have nightmares about it. Maybe I could erase the images of Bosco lying there, covered in blood, dying before my very eyes. As we entered the lobby, I attempted to get ahead of Jelly, hoping I could bypass everyone. I'd felt eyes on me all night. I wasn't the only one who'd remembered what day was coming up but Bosco wasn't everybody's partner. He's my partner. Even nearly a year later I still think of Bosco as my partner.

I thought I'd made it but as I reached the steps I heard Lieu's voice calling my name. I breathed a heavy sigh, turning to see what he wanted. I turned but I didn't see Lieu. What I saw was my best friend...my partner. Bosco was home.

The tears were almost instantaneous...so much so that I was lucky I didn't fall down the few steps that separated us. The sappy side of me knows that Bosco wouldn't have let me fall.

What I saw in the following few moments wasn't just my partner. What I saw was my partner turning to face me. What I saw was my partner walking towards me. I don't remember those few seconds between seeing him and feeling his arms engulf me. I think we collapsed into each other, holding on to each other for dear life. Bosco and I had never been all touchy feely but today that all changed. I never wanted to let go

As amazing as it was to see Bosco, to watch him stand on his own two feet...to walk across the room, the most amazing thing was hearing him say my name. In addition to my name I heard my partner tell me that he'd missed me.

At some point I realized that I still needed to get my stuff. I told Lieu not to let Bosco out of his sight, that I'd be right back. I started up the stairs hearing Lieu say something about 'go ahead'. Next thing I knew Bosco and I made our way to the locker room. I rushed over to my locker. Bosco wasn't as enthusiastic. He made the slow walk ending up in front of his old locker. I remember looking up to see him staring at it. I started to walk over to it when I heard Sully's voice telling Bosco 'it's still yours you know'.

Bosco glanced up, spotting not only Sully but Ty as well. Ty was the first to step forward offering Bosco a hug. What was really sweet was watching Sully do the same, adding that it was good to see him and admitting that he'd missed Bosco.

Bosco took it in stride although somewhat quiet in agreeing that he'd missed Sully and Ty as well. Glancing at his locker, Bosco was momentarily lost in thought. Sully broke the silence, commenting that he'd thought about 'him' a lot today...that no one deserved what Mikey went through. Bosco smiled, thanking Sully. I honestly think he thought maybe we'd forgotten what day it was...that he was the only one who'd remembered. Ty was almost too obvious when he said that the four of us needed to get together...catch up...maybe grab a beer or something. I think he knew it was a tough day for Bosco and his homecoming could wait for another day. I wasn't used to Bosco being so quiet but then I guess after the year he's been through, it seemed logical that he might be a different person.

The four of us started to leave. I'd just reached the door when it swung open slamming into my forehead. The first thing I heard was 'Son of a bitch...'

What can I say? Music to my ears. So maybe Bosco hasn't changed all that much. Bosco's meeting of Finny wasn't off to a good start.

Finny yelled back, questioning something like who are you and what's your problem? Bosco countered that Finney was his problem. Finney took a step forward asking if Bosco wanted to make something of it. Bosco being Bosco stood his ground. The little homecoming was interrupted by of all things laughter. Bosco glanced over at me before scanning the crowd that had gathered. No one said a word. Not Sully...not Davis, not Monroe or Lieu...not even Hancock. Even Stick was speechless, although his face said it all. That and the way he was rubbing his temples while shaking his head.

Lieu was the first one to speak, making a comment to the effect of 'twenty minutes Bosco...twenty minutes. I was beginning to wonder.' That said, Lieu smiled, patted him on the shoulder and headed back to the desk.

Finney started to walk away but Bosco stopped him telling him that he still owed me an apology. Finney tossed out the lamest of apologies before stomping off.

Bosco was officially home.

The end..

I know from reading stories and replies that there are Bos/Faith shippers and there are those who are completely against it. I respect both sides. So, if you fall into the non-shipper category, this is the end. I'd like to thank you for giving my story a chance. I hope you've enjoyed it.

However, if you fall into the shipper category, chapter 6 is for you...


	6. Time 6

**May 1st**

Okay so maybe it's really May 2nd since it is after midnight...well after midnight. Currently, Bosco is asleep in my chair. He looks pretty comfortable but then the chair was once Rose's so its possible this isn't the first time he's fell asleep in it.

I feel like I should be in bed too but I'm still too hyped up from having Bosco home. I left the station with him tonight, realizing that it's been over a year since we left together. The last time we worked together was when we got the call about little Rebecca not breathing. I'd spent all night with her at the hospital leaving Bosco to work with Sasha. It's only now as I think about all this that I realize the last day Bosco's worked he'd done so without me as his partner. It's not that it means a lot now; it's just a realization as I sit here.

We'd managed to get out of the station by midnight. Bosco had received a swarm of hugs from everyone including Sully which was actually pretty nice. Of course Sasha had given him a hug and a kiss on his cheek. We'd walked past the Captain's office seeing that he looked pretty busy. Stick glanced up as we passed, motioning us to come in then to take a seat.

He sat on the corner of his desk explaining a story that'd taken place years ago. He'd been against the two of us being partners from the very beginning. He added that all partnerships go through stages when you have good days and bad days. He was aware of the fact that we'd split up. Frankly, it didn't surprise him. It did surprise him when I'd requested to work with Bosco again To be honest, he'd had more doubts the second time around given what happened to me in Noble's room. In the end, he'd been wrong. Bosco and I had been solid; as solid as any partnership in the house.

Stick and Hancock questioned him of his plans. Bosco's answer had been that he wanted to be home for the anniversary of his brother's death. He hadn't wanted his ma to deal with that on her own. Beyond that, he had no plans.

Hancock questioned how Rose was doing. Bosco explained that she'd gone away to her sister's for a few days since she hadn't been aware that Bosco was coming home. He was going to surprise her. Turns out he was the one surprised.

On our way out, Lieu shook Bosco's hand one more time while smiling. He explained that Finney needed a good partner; someone to keep him in line. Bosco had nodded stating that coming back to work wasn't something he'd given much thought. Lieu acknowledged this stating that Finney couldn't handle someone like Bosco anyway.

Bosco and I left, driving around for a while, just talking. Even after a year, it seemed natural ...riding around with Bosco. I'm still stunned hearing his voice...seeing him beside me.

Over the course of the next few hours, I noticed things about Bosco that I didn't see at first. I was so shocked to see him that nothing else mattered. As time passed though, I saw things. For one he has a couple scars on his face although none of them are glaring scars. They don't immediately jump out at you when you look at him. He doesn't seem bothered by them and that makes me happy. I remember a time when he shut me out, turning away from me so I wouldn't see them. But then, Bosco has amazing inner strength. Another thing I noticed is that his does have a slight limp. Given that his one leg has had six surgeries, six attempts to piece it back together, I'm not surprised that he'd limp. It's actually not so much that he limps but he does seem to favor that one leg.

I learned though talking tonight that he was supposed to be in therapy today as well as tomorrow and the day after that. The anniversary of Mikey's death was too much for him. Therapy was pointless. He thought Rose needed him here more. Therapy could wait. I think he needed Rose as well. So he'd taken a bus home, then a cab to his ma's place. Of course she wasn't home so he'd called her cell phone and found out she was with her sister.

While driving around I stopped off at a supermarket, making an excuse that I forgot to pick something up for Emily. I guess it was a giveaway when I came back with a pretty generic bouquet of flowers. From there I drove over to where Mikey had been found. I knew it well. I'd been there several times over the past year.

I handed Bosco the flowers, allowing him some time alone. After a short time, I joined him, softly rubbing his shoulders as I stood behind him. He confessed that he still didn't believe it...Mikey was gone. There were days when it just didn't sink in. I helped him to his feet, discovering that he had trouble standing from a squatted position.

At one point he asked about Emily and Charlie. Emily was spending the night with a friend. She was doing well in school. Charlie I hadn't seen in over a week but he was doing well also. While I know the divorce was difficult on them, they seemed to be coping. I didn't kid myself...they still had bad days. I drove by my new apartment, asking him if he'd like to see it. I needled him a bit, telling him that if I'd known he was coming home, I would have postponed my move so that he could help.

Once inside, he immediately recognized several pieces of furniture...those that Rose had sent along. At some point, I glanced up to see him asleep in the chair that had been Rose's. He'd had a long day. I sat there awhile longer, watching him sleep.

**May 2nd**

I was awoken by the ringing of a telephone. Okay so in my sleep it sounded like a phone. In reality it was the doorbell. I strolled over to the door, stretching and yawning in the process. I glanced through the peep hole, not surprised to find Rose standing on the other side. I unlocked the door, stepping aside as I opened it. I saw a blur rush past me. A blur named Rose. No hi Faith, how are you but I didn't mind. It was more satisfying to see Rose with Bosco. She hugged him, mumbling something through her tears. I couldn't understand most of it but I had a feeling Bosco understood every word. I shed a few tears myself just seeing the two of them together.

Once things settle down somewhat Rose questioned Bosco as to why he didn't tell her he was coming home. He countered saying that he hadn't planned on it. It'd been a spur of the moment decision. That explains the message on my machine...the one questioning if Bosco was in New York. Apparently he'd left a short note on his bed, explaining that he had to go home. While Rose and Bosco were catching up, I called the clinic explaining that Bosco was fine.

After Rose cooked breakfast for the three of us, we made a stop at the florist, purchasing several bouquets of flowers. I drove out to the cemetery. I'd parked the car and gotten out but had hung back allowing the two of them some time alone. Bosco turned around first followed by Rose. I motioned for them to go ahead without me but neither of them would hear of it. I took the bouquet Bosco was carrying. The three of us stood at Mikey's grave. Rose with an arm around Bosco....Bosco with an arm around Rose and one around me...and myself with an arm around Bosco.

I'm not sure what either of them were thinking. I was recalling the look in Bosco's eyes from the day he found out about Mikey. I recalled his interrupted wake, Rose's injury, and the shooting that nearly robbed Rose of another son. I recalled Mikey's funeral days after the shooting. Neither Rose nor Bosco had been able to attend. I recalled standing there praying that I wouldn't be attending Bosco's funeral.

At some point, I bent over placing a bouquet of flowers on Mikey's grave. Rose placed the other one. No longer holding flowers I was free to hold onto Bosco. I still wasnt used to having him home...still not used to seeing him standing and walking and talking. At some point, I knew I'd have to let him out of my sight but I had no idea how I was going to handle it. More than anything I wanted to keep him in my sights, making sure that no one ever hurt him again.

I dropped the two of them off at Rose's, helping Rose make lunch while Bosco took a short nap. I left around one thirty, forcing myself to leave Bosco. I managed but not before holding him and placing a kiss on his cheek. On my drive to work I had to smile realizing that it'd been injured one that I'd kissed.

He wasn't surprised that I called him on my dinner break. He spoke briefly with Davis and Sully who'd joined me for dinner. Finney, oddly enough, chose to forgo any further conversation with Bosco. I repeated part of our conversation...the part where Bosco grumbled that Rose had hidden the keys to his car, refusing to tell him where they were. She even refused to unlock it so he could just sit in it. I laughed explaining that she knew him too well. If Rose got the keys out and unlocked the door, Bosco would eventually get them from her and go for a drive. I questioned him as to whether or not I was right and he got quiet. I was right and he knew it.

I did promise him that I'd talk with Rose and see about getting the keys. Little did her know, I already had them. I'd had them for months.

Bosco, at Rose's urging, had contacted the clinic, requesting his records be sent on to Mercy since it was unlikely that he'd be returning to Boston anytime soon.

**May 4th**

Rose and I accompanied Bosco on his visit to Mercy. Having been out of therapy for several days had concerned Rose. His medical and psychological records had arrived earlier in the day...some via fax and others via express mail.

Nurse Proctor greeted Bosco with a hug and kiss. This after she'd shed a few tears upon seeing him for the first time. She'd fussed over him until his eyes were begging me to let him leave.

Mary finally explained that his appointment was all set. We took the elevators to the fifth floor. All in all, Bosco was doing remarkably well which didn't surprise us. The doctor did want to see him back for a run through some tests just to be sure. Bosco frowned and Rose and I took turns reminding him that he'd come too far to risk re-injuring himself.

We exited the elevators, heading for the parking lot. That is Rose and I were heading for the parking lot. Bosco had stopped and was staring down the hallway. I knew exactly what he was thinking. As much as I didn't want to face it, I knew he needed to face that room.

It was nowhere near the shape it was in that horrific day nearly a year ago. The glass and blinds had been replaced. Bullet holes in walls were patched and freshly painted. For me the biggest change was the floor. Gone was the lifeless body of Bosco...gone was the blood-streaked floor tiles...gone was the panic that'd filled the room. What wasn't gone was the memories. I glanced away, trying to shake the memories. Something else had returned as well. Tears streaked by face. What had changed the most was Bosco. He wasn't lying in his own blood. Bosco was standing right in front of me, his arms wrapped around me, stroking my hair while telling me that it's over...that everything's okay. He took my hand in his, leading me from the room. Rose was in the hallway, standing with Mary. Bosco hugged Mary before putting an arm around Rose as we made our way to the parking lot.

Since Rose had to work that night and Sully was off, he agreed to stop by and check on Bosco. I can only imagine what the two of them had to talk about. If I had to guess, the term baby-sit probably came up once or twice.

Rose called me around ten-thirty asking if it was possible to give her a ride home. Apparently the gal who normally gave her a ride home had gone home sick.

Rose didn't get off until midnight which was fine by me. It gave me some time to relax and unwind after a long day.

Once we got in the car, Rose turned to me. She looked serious about something. My first thought was Bosco. I asked her if he was okay. She didn't answer my question but instead asked me a question. Why was it that my first thought was Bosco? I shrugged my shoulders commenting that he'd been through a lot. It's hard not to worry about him.

She nodded; seeming to accept my answer. Then she asked another question...point blank she asked if I love her son. I froze not knowing the right answer. She dismissed my silence continuing on with her thought. The two of us had always had a special bond. Did it ever seem odd to me that he discussed most everything with me right down to his love life? She confessed that at times she was jealous of what we had; secretly wishing that he'd talk to her about what was bothering him. Oh sure he did sometimes but never like he did with me. In fact, she'd wondered for years if his feelings for me were stronger than he ever let on. She knew deep down that he'd never do anything to hurt my marriage or my family. Having lost his own sense of family as a child, that aspect of my life was sacred to him. This came as no surprise since he'd shared painful memories of his own life with me on more than one occasion.

I think she knew her answer since I didn't go inside. I'd made an excuse that Bosco was probably asleep anyway...that I needed to get home.

At home, I sat down, not realizing 'til later that'd I'd chosen the same chair Bosco had fallen asleep in. I stared at the blank pages...writing about staring at blank pages. My thoughts drift to Bosco. I recall the first day we met...graduation day from the academy. I remember silly things like fighting over French fries...jumping across roofs while trying to keep up with him.

I remember how upset he got when he learned about my cancer...that I'd aborted my unborn child. I remember other things like the way he'd ask me if I thought he'd hit his wife someday...he'd said when he got married. It didn't occur to me 'til now that he never doubted that he'd get married someday.

I remember the way he took care of little Danny and Miguel....two little boys in need of a big brother and one big brother who needed to be someone's big brother. I remember the look in his eyes when he first woke up after being shot...that desperate look begging me not to leave him. And I remember the look he'd given me the morning he'd left for Boston...the ever-present need to take care of those around him despite his own condition.

Whoever said a mother was the last to know was wrong. Rose was right. I love her son...I love Bosco.

**May 5th**

It'd been a very long shift. A case we'd been working on took off tonight. Unfortunately it took off around 8:30pm. I didn't get home until almost 4am. I was exhausted...wanting nothing more than to collapse into bed.

As I passed through the kitchen, it occurred to me that the light was on. It shouldn't have given that Emily always left it on if I wasn't home when she went to bed. Only trouble was Emily was spending the night with a friend.

I glanced into the living room; smiling when I discovered who'd left the light on for me. Bosco was asleep in 'his' chair. I'd forgotten all about meeting him after work. We were going to surprise Emily since she'd yet to see Bosco. In the meantime, she'd called asking if she could spend the night with Jenny from down the hall. I'd been so wrapped up in my case that I'd agreed and quickly hung up the phone.

Hours later, I'd finally made it home. A quick glance of my cell phone told me that he'd called twice...the last time being around 12:30.I figured he must have fallen asleep after that.

My figuring was in question when my eyes focused on something else...my journal...sitting on the table beside where Bosco was asleep. I replayed last night, recalling that I'd been writing in it while sitting in the same chair that Bosco was asleep in. My first fear was that Bosco had read it. After all, he was just a few feet from the journal.

Picking up the journal I thumbed through the pages debating if he would have seen it and if so, would he have read it. My heart pounded as I was flipping through the pages. Maybe, I thought, just maybe he didn't have enough time to read it all given that it was almost full. The answer to my question was pretty obvious. Written on one of the last pages were five words...

I love you too...Bos.


End file.
